The AVK Diaries – Of Sun and Sand

Grateful for 2025: A year that overflowed

As I sat down to put together an end-of-year photo dump, I realized something unexpected. I was scrolling and scrolling—and I hadn’t even made it past the last three months. That’s when it hit me: 2025 wasn’t just busy, it was abundant and for that I am eternally grateful.

This year overflowed in the best ways.

There was travel—loads of it. New places, familiar places seen with new eyes, long walks in unknown streets, airport goodbyes and arrivals that always felt a little like home. Travel stretched time in that magical way, making months feel longer and memories feel richer.

There was reading too. Pages turned on flights, before bed, in quiet mornings, and slow afternoons. Stories that stayed with me, ideas that reshaped how I think, and books that felt like companions rather than distractions. Reading gave this year depth—it slowed things down when everything else was moving fast.

Most importantly, there was family. Reunions that felt overdue, conversations that picked up right where they left off, laughter that came easily, and moments that reminded me how grounding it is to be with people who know you beyond your accomplishments or plans. These were not just gatherings; they were anchors.

2025 was also a year rich in celebration and tradition. We celebrated Ganpati festival with devotion and joy, welcoming Bappa with full hearts and loud chants for the first time in our Phoenix home. We were lucky enough to be able to celebrate Chhath Pooja that brought quiet discipline and gratitude—to the sun, to nature, to life itself. Diwali lit up not just our homes but our spirits, and Navratri came alive in full swing—music, color, energy, and faith all woven together. These festivals weren’t just checkboxes on a calendar; they were lived experiences that grounded me in culture, rhythm, and meaning.

Throughout the year, I found myself returning to the wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita, words that felt especially relevant in moments of reflection:

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।
You have the right to your actions, but not to the fruits of those actions. (2.47)

A reminder to stay present, to do the work, to live fully—without constantly calculating outcomes.

And another verse that echoed softly in the background of a year full of change:

यदा यदा हि धर्मस्य ग्लानिर्भवति भारत।
अभ्युत्थानमधर्मस्य तदात्मानं सृजाम्यहम्॥ (4.7)

A reminder that renewal is constant, that balance returns, that beginnings often arise from moments of transition.

Looking back, 2025 doesn’t feel like a highlight reel — it feels like a collection of small, meaningful moments woven together, many of which I only truly appreciate now.

As I step into 2026, I do so with gratitude first. Gratitude for a year that gave me more than I expected, taught me more than I planned, and filled my camera roll—and my heart—to the edge.

Here’s to new beginnings, fresh chapters, and the quiet excitement of what’s yet to unfold in 2026.

Not Flowers, But Tea

Over-the-top Bollywood movies have messed with our minds. We grew up with grand ideas of what love would look like—romantic dinners, surprise getaways, sparkling expensive gifts. However, I recently witnessed a quieter, more profound kind of love that changed my perspective on it forever.

My mother was sick for a while. Nothing dramatic, but enough to keep us awake for a few nights. During that time, my dad became her constant companion—reading articles on her symptoms, watching videos about remedies, and learning anything he could to help her feel better. He sat by her side, brought her tea, prepared new kaadhas, held her hand, and stayed present. All of this comes from someone who hasn’t set foot in the kitchen for 60 years. All of this comes from someone who would never read a book to save his life.

That is when it struck me: love is not always loud or flashy. Love does not need to be shown. Sometimes, it is in the quiet research done late at night. Sometimes, it is holding a hand and staying close without needing to say a word.

Love, I realized, isn’t in the big gestures—it’s in the small, steady acts of care that say: I’m here, and I won’t leave your side.

Return to work, be like…

After weeks of traveling, we finally reunited as a family via United Airlines. I flew into Phoenix with a bunch of high-fever-running-coughing family members. The flight was long, but seeing N’s face at the airport made it worth it. After being away for a hot minute, I looked forward to quality family time. Nothing could have hit me for what was about to come next.

All major companies implemented RTO policy, and N’s employer followed suit. I work from home, so the concept of working onsite was lost on me. N received us at the airport late at night on Monday. He left for work at 6:30 AM on Tuesday and returned 12 hours later. The pattern repeated all week. We grouped as a family only for a few hours before bedtime every day. We only had a few hours to pack a day’s love and stories. We deserve more family time than this!

I started wondering what our future would look like. N and I would commute to work, drop the baby at school, struggle to cook, clean, and spend quality time together from 6 PM to 9 PM every day. Working onsite for all 5 days of the week feels like an alien concept, especially since Covid. It’s not so alien anymore.

On second thoughts, that is how we grew up. Our parents would commute to work, and we spent 3 hours together as a family in the evenings. Weekends and festivals were unique and treasured. That is how our lives will be, too. We will treasure weekends and long weekends, and we will find excuses to rush home early every evening. Our hearts will need time to accept the concept, but we will make it work.

Now, I think of ways to utilize the 3 hours to the fullest. I search for ways to play, read, run, eat, chill, laugh, connect, and make memories. Time flies, but it is up to you to catch the moments. Such is life, dearies.

Week 1, 2025: Updates

Welcome to the weekly diaries of 2025.

The week started with a lull. Most of the clients and teammates were still out. We were still hosting family (fun times) and struggled to be productive at work. On the 31st, we attended an NYE party with the baby. Of course, we returned home BEFORE the clock struck midnight. The baby was NOT in her regular element, and we had to slip as soon as the games were over.

On the 2nd, things were stormy at work. We were in trouble again as a team due to a lack of due diligence, technical expertise, and work overload. This was the fourth time we were in trouble over the last quarter. One time is a mistake; twice is negligence; the third and fourth times, it is a pattern. Of course, my manager was nice enough not to make it a big deal, but I know it is.

I would like to know what is in store for the remainder of the year if this is how the year has started. We have a few high-priority releases in the first quarter, and the thought shivers me. Maybe some extra praying will help? #notetoself Pray whenever possible. Pray hard. Pray very hard.

This incident made me ponder about mistakes and forgiveness. How easy is it to let someone make their own mistakes and not impart wisdom unless asked? How easy is it to let someone grow at their own pace? How easy is it to forgive and probably forget about someone’s actions that hurt you? As a manager, you need to know the perfect balance; maybe that is what I need to work on.

Hopefully, all goes well. More to come in week 2.

2024 in Review: Embracing Memories and Life’s Lessons

2024 ends tomorrow, and it is time to reflect upon it. I do not remember the resolutions that I made for 2024 and if I lived by them. All I remember were the beautiful moments that we spent with family and friends. Here are the highlights by month.

January 2024 – This was the toughest month of the year. Our grandmother passed away after being critically ill for a year and a half. I am glad we could meet her one final time before she passed away. We dwelled in our childhood memories. It is tough being away from the family at such times.
February 2024 – Mama A visited, and the baby was on cloud 9. Also, took a trip to Mexico for some good sun.
March 2024 – Aunts M&M visited Phoenix with families. The three siblings (N, M&M) met after four years. The baby turned 2. We packed for the temporary move.
April 2024 – We moved to Portland, OR, temporarily for 6 months. Being a PNW fan, I always wanted N and the baby to experience the summers of PNW, and my wishes were granted. We moved with our luggage, and our trunks followed. N’s employer put us in a beautiful, fully-furnished apartment, and the journey began. The baby was introduced to the color green, tulips, and rain. Beaches are beautiful when foggy. The struggle with the baby’s daycare was real.
May 2024 – May was one of the most happening months. It started with family visiting from India for Mama S’s graduation. The Kulkarni-Paranjape residence was filled with love and laughter. We took our first cruise trip as a family. We also traveled to the mountains of Washington with friends. We made beautiful memories.
June 2024 – June took us to the East Coast for our first International Cricket World Cup Match in New York! I will be eternally grateful to Mama A for taking the week off and caring for the baby while I worked. We basked in the New York vibes and explored new areas of Central Park.
July 2024 – Ofsunandsand turned a year older around her beloved friends in an Airbnb by the beach (which was not visible even when we went to the beach) with pani puri and ras malai cake in her mouth. What more can you ask for? I wanted to feel like my old self, and this trip helped.
The baby discovered how therapeutic ‘Me Time’ is and demanded the same.
August 2024 – Mama A visited, and we all took a road trip. The Oregon coast was explored. The best-smoked tomato soup was discovered.
September 2024 – We made our final visit to the beaches to pay homage to the beauty that PNW has. The baby parted ways with her best friends at daycare. We moved back to Phoenix. I could not recognize the cutlery. We had been living a minimalist lifestyle in Portland, and being back in a place with 950735636 utensils confused my tiny brain. The baby was happy to see her older toys.
We left Portland with mixed feelings. Though we loved PNW, we could not wait to move back. We missed the feeling of belongingness.
October 2024 – We spent a few days trying to place our dishes. We also spent a lot of time cleaning up things that did not fit/would never fit/were not needed – receipts, clothes, toys, and shoes. We took a spontaneous surprise trip to India. The smile on everyone’s faces was priceless.
Mom retired from her job after 35 years of employment. I realized that maybe none of us would have a retirement party like that one. Gen Y/Z have been switching jobs so often that the term ‘loyalty’ barely exists. Most of us are running the race for a higher salary and better perks. Will we meet an employer who will be loyal to us like we are loyal to them? One will never know.
November 2024 – The India trip continued and ended in the middle of the month. The annual health check-up reports were good! All of us traveled back to the USA with Tylenol down our throats. We celebrated Thanksgiving, our anniversary, and N’s birthday surrounded with love, laughter, light, and friends.
December 2024 – Things got slower. The baby had adjustment issues with her old/new daycare. We decided to start with traditions. We spent substantial effort on a Christmas tree and related decorations. I learned the concept of a ‘Christmas tree skirt.’ The train of friends, relatives, and good food halted at the house one after the other. The year will end with 4 hours of ‘sick leave’ because that is all I have left.

In hindsight, 2024 was a beautiful year. I saw some highs, some lows, some very lows, and some much-awaited comebacks. A few things I realized were that our parents are getting older and life is fragile. Make memories while you can. One must live in the moment because the present does not last forever.

Wishing you all loads of light, love, laughter, and good food in 2025. Wishing myself the ability to finish my train of thought, and complete a conversation without being interrupted, peace, snow, and pani puri in 2025. God speed.

Belated Happy Birthday To Me

Place: Portland, OR
Time: Pretty late in the night
Mood: Grateful
Favorite Color: Blue
Favorite Song: Gulabi Sadi
Favorite Movie: Bhediya
Favorite Place: Dubai
Favorite Outfit: Travel denims + pink t-shirt

PS: This is a belated happy birthday post.

The last year has been very different. It started with a new job and continued with new experiences, unexpected travel, lovely family time, and beautiful memories.

Incidents around me have made me more fitness-conscious. The inability to lose pregnancy weight has made me eat better. I have realized that being a Mom is a thankless job. Raising the child is not the hardest part, but maintaining your sanity and health while raising the child is. I ignored myself when Baby N went from 0 to 1. The stretch marks on my body, messed up body fat %, and failing texture of my skin is evidence enough. I am trying to be better about looking after myself while she is going from 1 to 3.

I have also realized the thin line between hoping and being overtly optimistic that could result in heartbreak. I am happy to have achieved that balance in the past year. I have also learned to be detached while being attached to ideas and vice versa. I’ve learned that your happiness lies in your own hands. This last year has also changed my perspectives about life, loss, love, and laughter.

The past year has taught me to be grateful and content. It has taught me that every moment with loved ones is valuable. You never know which moment you spend with somebody is your last time with them. The past year has also made me a little more God-fearing than I was before. It has taught me that nothing is permanent in life – emotions, relationships, memories, ghosts, and situations. Time heals the deepest of wounds, and you can walk away from emotions that would have otherwise killed you.

What life hasn’t been able to teach me this year is the technique to make unparalleled rotis like our cook back in India and tips and tricks to travel light. I am yet to finish reading a book this year. I have noticed my patience levels fluctuating with people and situations. I have developed a sweet tooth. I can finish cake or anything sweet in a minute, and pani puri is life. Diet and sleep regressions happen when my paranoia about impending diabetes and blood pressure issues kicks in. I lack the energy to pen down my thoughts at the end of the day. I cannot believe that I have gone from partying till 3 AM on most Friday nights to hitting the sack at 8 PM on Fridays because “my body needs to recover.” Life has changed, and I am rolling with it.

For the next year, I wish for more travel, increased fitness, money to pay for travel and fitness, and less sugar cravings. Godspeed.

The tunnel is curved

It was a Saturday afternoon. N was catching up on his favorite series. I was on my laptop identifying ladybugs, porcupines, and daisies in the captchas to submit job applications.

The last few months’ post-layoffs have been disappointing. The ratio between applications, rejections, and interviews is 10000+: 11000+: 1. I may have been rejected for roles I have not applied for.

In the past, tough times have led to unique opportunities that helped my career. Over the last decade, I have jumped positions, domains, and technologies and thrived. I have picked up many transferable skills in my previous roles and used them to my advantage. This should ideally make me a good fit for many positions. But will I succeed in every/any role? What would make me happy and successful? What would make me feel that I can still have a semblance of a career? Boy, layoffs suck the confidence out of you!

Figuring out the next step was easy, but keeping at it has been heartbreaking. Finding employers that offer sponsorship has been a hurdle. I have been constantly ghosted by recruiters and hiring managers. Submitting applications has been tiring. Fatigue has set in, making it even harder to stay motivated. I look for motivation in every conversation and situation. One such talk with N that Saturday afternoon gave me a new perspective.

In a dramatic conversation, I used the word ‘tough’ 10 times in a single sentence. I told N that everything in life had been tough – landing jobs, being in labor, having a baby, being a pseudo-housewife, and being laid off. Everything seems extra challenging when you are in a trench. We have a notion about tunnels – you need to keep walking to reach the end, and there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I have been walking in the dark tunnel of the job hunt and rejections for 7 months, and I cannot see so much as a torch to light the way, leave alone the light at the end of the tunnel that Ada Adams promised. The tunnel seems never-ending. And I am tired.

N heard patiently and said that maybe the tunnel was not a straight road as I assumed. The tunnel could be curved this time, and I needed to keep walking. The light at the end was not visible because I needed to take turns and pivot. The light could be at the next curve.

I always considered the tunnel this long, straight path where you see the light at the end and continue walking toward it. The light is your motivation to walk. But the tunnel I am walking this time is curved, and I must pivot to reach the light. Of course, I need to keep walking, like the 5.8M unemployed people in the country.

For most of us, life has been less than ideal. But we must do what we can to survive, thrive, and overcome. Take that trip you always wanted, binge-watch your favorite show, spend time with your loved ones, eat what you want, or keep away from someone because you cannot deal with them right now. Also, be kind and encourage, uplift, and motivate those around you who suffer. Remember that the tunnel can be curved, and continue walking. Sending you lots of Love and Light.

Happy Women’s Day 2023

Linkedin, Instagram, Whatsapp, and Text messages buzz with Women’s Day messages and inspirational quotes. I still do not find myself happy, glad, and inspired by the shift in perspective. As a mother to a daughter, I have a slightly different perspective. This Women’s Day, I hope –

No girl is sold or bought as a commodity in any part of the world.
No terrorist organization kidnaps a school full of girls to work on farms and tend their beds.
No 6-year-old girl is kidnapped from a gas station by a psycho for unthinkable tortures.
No daughter is loved lesser than her brother.
No girl is abused/molested by her family member.
No girl is eve-teased while walking down the street.
No teenager ends her life because of the fear of disappointing her parents.
No teenager is bullied to depression.
No girl is asked to cover her legs because men will ogle.
No girl suffers a lifetime of burns because she chose not to love someone.
No girl is killed by her family because she is brave enough to fall in love.
No woman is stoned to death because she has feelings for a co-worker.
No wife is physically, verbally, or mentally abused by her husband and in-laws.
No daughter-in-law is forced to bear a child because the parents-in-law want a grandson.
No daughter-in-law is blamed because she could not conceive.
No expecting mother is discriminated against at the workplace because she is about to take a “big leave.”
No woman is stripped of her rights to speak up because she is a woman.
No woman is denied her right to choose.
No woman is ridiculed for her choice of hair color/partner/clothes.
No woman needs to explain the meaning of ‘No’ and ‘Consent.’

Apologies for the darkness. I am hoping that the next women’s day will be a better one. One can only hope. I am going to try and make this world a better place for all our daughters to live in. I am not sure how, but I will try. Happy Women’s Day to you and yours from me and mine!

The Grief

We entered the conference room and took our seats. My best friend from work sat to my right. My team of developers sat to my left. The mighty HR team sat across the table from us. The ex-Manager read his script.

How did I land here AGAIN?
Is this a joke?
How can this happen to us? All of us?
How is this even possible?
Is the company shutting down?
I manage one of the most critical teams in IT. How is this even possible?

These thoughts ran through my brain. The ex-Manager asked if we had any questions. My best friend was sane enough to say kind words and goodbye to my manager. The HRs called out our names and asked us to follow them to their offices. They wanted to walk us through our (petty) severance packages. I asked HR if she could excuse me for a minute. I called up N. Thankfully; he picked up.

Me: Hi, can you please come to pick me up? I was just let go.
N: WWHHAATTTTT?!!? Don’t worry. I am coming.

The layoffs had started at 8 AM sharp, and half of the IT department was wiped out when this conversation happened. N was working from home that day, awaiting a package. The baby was home too. N packed up the baby and left asap.

The HR took me to her office and handed me the severance package. The company gave no grace period to the employees on visas. Another HR personnel was outside the office to escort me. He had a box in his hand for my belongings. I told him that was unnecessary – I hardly had any belongings in the office. It’s like I was always prepared to walk out.

I packed my bag in under 2 minutes. The ex-Manager washed my coffee mug and walked me out (I have no idea why). I hugged the folks that hadn’t been affected yet. They were affected by the end of the day as well. It was total annihilation. My team waited outside the office for me to say the final goodbyes. We video-called our off-shore team members and gave them an update. They were shocked. N and the baby came to pick me up. I left Leslies for one last time.

N spent the day sitting beside me. It was a gloomy day at Kulkarni-Paranjape’s. On the other hand, the baby was delighted to see her parents at home and skip daycare.

Statutory Warning – The section below has been rewritten several times.

I have yet to be able to place my feelings. It is disheartening to lose the job you love (or moderately like). I miss the comfort it brought to us as a family. I miss the buying power. Also, I’m not too fond of being back in the job market AGAIN. Being let go was not a part of my 5-year plan. Losing my job in between mortgages, inflation, and impending recession does not feel manageable. But as they say, every cloud has a silver lining.

I am grateful for my ever-supportive husband and family. N and baby are always around to cheer me up. I am happy to see the baby grow (considering I did not get any maternity leave). I have seen the baby crawl and stand for the first time! There is also more consideration and awareness among the recruiters about laid-off employees (there are around 300,000 of us so far). There are more avenues at our disposal (though nothing has come to fruition). Overall, the struggle continues. Hoping everything goes well. Keep watching this space for more.

How You made me a mother…

Dear Baby Girl Nirva,

I hope this blog post finds you sleeping peacefully with your tummy full. I hope you are not too cold and shivering or too hot and sweaty. I hope the room temperature is just right. Wishing you a good night’s sleep. Today has been tough for you, your tummy, and us. I should probably eliminate caffeine from my diet.

This letter was crafted while I was rocking you to sleep after the long rough day that you’ve had. You are already making ‘imma wake up anytime’ noises as I am typing this down. It’s a little past midnight; we have had a rough couple of nights. I wish a good night’s sleep to be upon us, for you to gain weight, and for me to reduce my pregnancy tummy. PS: I fit in my pre-pregnancy denims and am back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

I remember the night we decided on your name. We had not planned a baby yet but we had zeroed down your name and gender (as if it were in our hands) already. We always knew we wanted a daughter. A few months later we realized we couldn’t wait any longer to hold you in our arms.

I remember the day we learnt that you were on your way. It was day 1 of week 6. I had a strong intuition that I was pregnant since Week 3. It was as if my mind already knew that We had conceived. I felt your presence. We were in Illinois in week 5 and I refused to pick up my own luggage. Baba was furious but being the gentleman he is, picked up all of my luggage along with his. I did not want to risk your health by doing anything that I wasn’t supposed to. I became a mother that very moment – I wanted to protect you even when I wasn’t sure you existed. One night (while in Illinois) after a late night round of cards with the extended family, I told Baba about my pregnancy intuitions. He laughed it off. We reached home (Chandler) a few days later. I doordashed a pregnancy test at 7 AM. And Aai’s intuition was right. You were on your way. Baba was asleep when I broke the news to him. I can never forget the smile on his face. We told both Aaji-Ajobas the same evening. They guided us throughout the pregnancy.

Millions of tests followed. Fatigue had set in along with the mood swings. You dictated what you wanted to eat. We decided to navigate our relationship, life, and eating habits around it. Bed time had changed to 7:45 PM to supply you the energy you needed to flourish. I had just started working as well. You triggered a house search – a place that we could all call ‘home’. The week 8 ultrasound went great. However, delta variant was at large. Both Baba and I had covid symptoms in Week 9 (though we never tested positive). We prayed incessantly for your safety. We quarantined and worked from home for a few weeks. We wanted nothing but for you to be safe. Week 12 appointment was good. Soon we entered second trimester.

It was a lazy Sunday morning and you were only 14 weeks old. I opened my eyes at 8 AM. It was too early for a Sunday (then). Baba was sleeping peacefully. I decided to go back to sleep too. 15 minutes later, you moved and indicated that you were hungry. That was the first time we felt your presence in the tummy. I immediately woke up and fixed you breakfast. I looked forward to feeling your kicks every day for the rest of my pregnancy.

Week 15 brought an almost hit and run. I was glad you were safe. A few weeks later, we had to go to the emergency room. Thankfully, you were safe. More tests followed. Meanwhile, all the offers that we had put on houses had been rejected. Baba and I were dejected. Maybe we weren’t meant to buy a house. A few weeks weeks later, we casually went to see a house in a newer and unexplored area. It was love at first sight. We paid the deposit on the very next day. You had a place to call home now. Mama flew out from New York to help us move.

Things became heavier once we moved into the new house. It was week 20 of the pregnancy. The shopping spree started. We became regulars at every major retailer. Aai would sit on the floor of every aisle she walked in. That is how the knobs for your bathroom were selected. Walking had become difficult. Energy was hard to come by. I felt the constant need to rest and sleep.

Third trimester introduced us to Braxton & Hicks, sciatic nerve pain, acid reflux, infusions, sleepless nights, prodromal labor, and even more doctors appointments. We were sent back several times from the OB triage. I had all the symptoms of pre-labor for 3 weeks but you took your own sweet time. Finally I went into labor at the end of week 41 and you arrived.

I can never forget the first time I saw you… actually when You saw me. My epidural had almost stopped working and I was in tears. The nurse picked you up and put you on my chest as soon as You were born. You immediately turned your neck (don’t think you are supposed to be able to do that at minute 1, but you did) and looked at me. That was the first time when I saw you. Both of us were crying. Actually, all three of us were crying. A tear rolled down Baba’s cheeks when he held you for the first time.

It has been an absolute pleasure to see you grow in the last 7 weeks. You love stories, badbad geete, and talking in general. You already say ‘Hi’, ‘Hello’, ‘Oh wow’ (or at least that is what we hear when you blabber). You have disliked all of the formulas that the pediatrician recommended. You always know where the camera is. You’ve visited Grand Canyon and Bearizona already. You hate being covered. You dislike being swaddled and napping in general. You are gassy at times. Your smile lights up the room.

You have signs for everything You need. We are still trying to learn them. You have taught me more in the last two months than I’ve learnt in the last 30 years of my life. Being your Aai has been the most fulfilling role of my life. You make me a better human being, daughter, wife, and mother every day. Thank you for being born. Thank you for choosing me to be your mother. Thank you for being our bundle of joy.

Love you forever and always. Aai.