Of Sun and Sand

Mamma Panji

She was everyone’s pillar of strength.
She went above and beyond for everyone at length.
She loved you like none else.
And made laddoos that in your mouth melt.

She was unstoppable
until she was able.
She knew when you were being shady
For she was the Boss Lady.

We met when I was a few minutes old – she could have been the first person to hold me. During childhood, Mamma would arrive during our final exams and whisk us away on our last day of exams for our summer vacations. Summer vacations would start with Papa Ajoba making Rasna (Go 90s!) and Mothi Aai (Mamma) making laddoos and other delicacies. She made sure we were well-fed, bathed, and had what we needed. They took us to amusement parks. Excursions with Mothi Aai-Papa Ajoba included going to the mandir, bank, doctors, and whatnot. Soon ‘Mothi Aai’ graduated to ‘Mamma’ and then ‘Mamma Panji’ when the Baby was born.

I remember her being worried when our family struggled – she treated our problems as hers. Even though she and Papa Ajoba lived away, they were always around if we needed them – mentally, physically, and financially. We would not have been able to achieve our dreams without their wholehearted and unconditional support.

Mamma was very proud of her grandkids’ achievements – big and small. Her love was always wholesome. She had the biggest heart and had a corner for everyone. She managed to make everyone feel special. That was Mamma for you – strong, independent, brave, caring, empathetic, fearless, giving, priceless, irreplaceable, Boss Lady.

I still cannot believe that she is gone. I hope she is with Papa now. May her soul rest in peace.

Love you and Miss you, Mamma, now and forever. ❤

Movie Review: Bhediya

Streaming on: Jio Cinema
Running time: 2 hours 36 mins
Cast: Varun Dhawan, Kriti Sanon, Abhishek Banerjee
Genre: Horror Comedy
Rating: 4/5

I am a little late to this party, but glad I made it!

It starts slowly, and the first hour or so can be painful. Maybe the brown from Arizona has affected my brain, but I have not been able to shake the greenery from the movie out of my head. However, the jungles of the Northeast take your breath away.

Varun Dhawan plays an ambitious road contractor wanting to build roads in Arunachal Pradesh. He is accompanied by his cousin, Janardan (played by Abhishek Banerjee) and Jomin (played by Paalin Kabaak). Varun and his partners must get permission from the locals to build the road through the jungles instead of around it. This plan would cause more deforestation. Having failed to get permission from the elders, Varun convinces the youth and gets the required signatures to start the project. Varun gets bitten by a wolf, and one thing leads to another. Kriti Sanon plays a local Veterinarian doctor who treats Varun. Strange events unfold, and the protagonists search for answers that lead to twists. This horror comedy guarantees laughter with its comic timing and witty dialogues.

Bhediya is Amar Kaushik’s third movie. He delivers strong messages about racism against people from the Northeastern part of India and the conservation of nature. However, The movie overstays its welcome and could have been shorter. The beginning of the film could have been made more attractive. But overall, it is a must-watch!

The tunnel is curved

It was a Saturday afternoon. N was catching up on his favorite series. I was on my laptop identifying ladybugs, porcupines, and daisies in the captchas to submit job applications.

The last few months’ post-layoffs have been disappointing. The ratio between applications, rejections, and interviews is 10000+: 11000+: 1. I may have been rejected for roles I have not applied for.

In the past, tough times have led to unique opportunities that helped my career. Over the last decade, I have jumped positions, domains, and technologies and thrived. I have picked up many transferable skills in my previous roles and used them to my advantage. This should ideally make me a good fit for many positions. But will I succeed in every/any role? What would make me happy and successful? What would make me feel that I can still have a semblance of a career? Boy, layoffs suck the confidence out of you!

Figuring out the next step was easy, but keeping at it has been heartbreaking. Finding employers that offer sponsorship has been a hurdle. I have been constantly ghosted by recruiters and hiring managers. Submitting applications has been tiring. Fatigue has set in, making it even harder to stay motivated. I look for motivation in every conversation and situation. One such talk with N that Saturday afternoon gave me a new perspective.

In a dramatic conversation, I used the word ‘tough’ 10 times in a single sentence. I told N that everything in life had been tough – landing jobs, being in labor, having a baby, being a pseudo-housewife, and being laid off. Everything seems extra challenging when you are in a trench. We have a notion about tunnels – you need to keep walking to reach the end, and there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I have been walking in the dark tunnel of the job hunt and rejections for 7 months, and I cannot see so much as a torch to light the way, leave alone the light at the end of the tunnel that Ada Adams promised. The tunnel seems never-ending. And I am tired.

N heard patiently and said that maybe the tunnel was not a straight road as I assumed. The tunnel could be curved this time, and I needed to keep walking. The light at the end was not visible because I needed to take turns and pivot. The light could be at the next curve.

I always considered the tunnel this long, straight path where you see the light at the end and continue walking toward it. The light is your motivation to walk. But the tunnel I am walking this time is curved, and I must pivot to reach the light. Of course, I need to keep walking, like the 5.8M unemployed people in the country.

For most of us, life has been less than ideal. But we must do what we can to survive, thrive, and overcome. Take that trip you always wanted, binge-watch your favorite show, spend time with your loved ones, eat what you want, or keep away from someone because you cannot deal with them right now. Also, be kind and encourage, uplift, and motivate those around you who suffer. Remember that the tunnel can be curved, and continue walking. Sending you lots of Love and Light.

Happy Women’s Day 2023

Linkedin, Instagram, Whatsapp, and Text messages buzz with Women’s Day messages and inspirational quotes. I still do not find myself happy, glad, and inspired by the shift in perspective. As a mother to a daughter, I have a slightly different perspective. This Women’s Day, I hope –

No girl is sold or bought as a commodity in any part of the world.
No terrorist organization kidnaps a school full of girls to work on farms and tend their beds.
No 6-year-old girl is kidnapped from a gas station by a psycho for unthinkable tortures.
No daughter is loved lesser than her brother.
No girl is abused/molested by her family member.
No girl is eve-teased while walking down the street.
No teenager ends her life because of the fear of disappointing her parents.
No teenager is bullied to depression.
No girl is asked to cover her legs because men will ogle.
No girl suffers a lifetime of burns because she chose not to love someone.
No girl is killed by her family because she is brave enough to fall in love.
No woman is stoned to death because she has feelings for a co-worker.
No wife is physically, verbally, or mentally abused by her husband and in-laws.
No daughter-in-law is forced to bear a child because the parents-in-law want a grandson.
No daughter-in-law is blamed because she could not conceive.
No expecting mother is discriminated against at the workplace because she is about to take a “big leave.”
No woman is stripped of her rights to speak up because she is a woman.
No woman is denied her right to choose.
No woman is ridiculed for her choice of hair color/partner/clothes.
No woman needs to explain the meaning of ‘No’ and ‘Consent.’

Apologies for the darkness. I am hoping that the next women’s day will be a better one. One can only hope. I am going to try and make this world a better place for all our daughters to live in. I am not sure how, but I will try. Happy Women’s Day to you and yours from me and mine!

Of regrets and mistakes

Venue: Home
Date: Sometime last week
Time: Sometime in the afternoon

It was a casual afternoon. I opened LinkedIn to do the ordinary. A post about mistakes caught my eye. Allegedly, the individual had messed up a crucial release for the CEO of the biggest retailer on the planet. They corrected it immediately. They made an obvious mistake and were not penalized. They did not lose their job and were promoted to the next level. Cool, and really lucky? How many of us are spared to tell the tale? Definitely not me! I usually get punished even for the mistakes I do not make.

I spent the entire first mile of our routine family stroll (the baby likes to go out once a day) thinking about my string of errors/regrets. That made me wonder how many of my mistakes have been ignored? Or, for how many mistakes have I been penalized? The list was undeniably endless. I decided to focus only on the ones from this year to simplify the matter. Let me know if any of these resonate with you.

Ignored gut feeling – My PERM petition was messed up multiple times. My gut told me to switch jobs ASAP to save my visa status. But every time I thought of commencing the job search, something threw me off track – Grandma’s grave health concerns, we caught Covid (we’d managed to dodge it for 3 years), GC process finally started (so I would have to stay put for 2 years at least), etc.
Penalty: I was laid off. All the heartburn around PERM initiation was a waste. We missed our India trip due to the layoff. Due to the canceled trip, we lost a ton of money on stay and travel arrangements. I could have saved my despair had I switched when my intuition asked me to.
Reward: My resume was ready the day I was let go since I had done some groundwork earlier. I had lesser heartburn when I was in a bad state.
Spared a month of medical leave – My EX-employer offered no maternity leave (along with no free coffee onsite). I was offered an ‘unpaid medical leave’ for 3 months. I had used up only 2 months of that and had spared a month for our trip to India. In hindsight, I should have taken up the three months at a stretch and spent quality time with the family.
Penalty: I resumed work a day after the baby turned 2 months old. I had not recovered fully, and the first few weeks were really unimaginable. I had trouble sitting for long hours due to delayed recovery.
Reward: I got my buying power back. I started working while my family was still around, which gave me much-needed comfort and support during my transition.
I did not maintain a work-life balance – I worked long hours until my due date. When I resumed work after delivery, I worked long hours to get back on track. Once I settled in, I worked long hours hoping for a promotion. Overall, I prioritized releases and perfection over spending quality time with my child (PS: I did spend quality time with my child, just not as much as I wanted to). In retrospect, I should NOT have put in those extra hours.
Penalty: I lost some crucial time with the baby. My health was impacted.
Reward: None.
Trusted people easily and quickly – I trusted my EX-employer to do an excellent job with the PERM initiation. I trusted my leaders when they promised a better future. In hindsight, I should have followed my intuition. I should have remembered that revenue is more critical for any enterprise, and employees are highly replaceable resources.
Penalty: This did not bode well for me professionally, personally, and financially.
Reward: None.

The penalties obviously outweigh the rewards. I would do things differently if I had to do it all over again – choose an employer that offers maternity leave. This could be me disrespecting my decisions and myself in the past, but it is what it is. I am considering passing this post to my future employers as my annual retrospective.
What regrets have you had in the past year, and were you penalized?
I look forward to hearing from you all in the comment section or DM me!

The Grief

We entered the conference room and took our seats. My best friend from work sat to my right. My team of developers sat to my left. The mighty HR team sat across the table from us. The ex-Manager read his script.

How did I land here AGAIN?
Is this a joke?
How can this happen to us? All of us?
How is this even possible?
Is the company shutting down?
I manage one of the most critical teams in IT. How is this even possible?

These thoughts ran through my brain. The ex-Manager asked if we had any questions. My best friend was sane enough to say kind words and goodbye to my manager. The HRs called out our names and asked us to follow them to their offices. They wanted to walk us through our (petty) severance packages. I asked HR if she could excuse me for a minute. I called up N. Thankfully; he picked up.

Me: Hi, can you please come to pick me up? I was just let go.
N: WWHHAATTTTT?!!? Don’t worry. I am coming.

The layoffs had started at 8 AM sharp, and half of the IT department was wiped out when this conversation happened. N was working from home that day, awaiting a package. The baby was home too. N packed up the baby and left asap.

The HR took me to her office and handed me the severance package. The company gave no grace period to the employees on visas. Another HR personnel was outside the office to escort me. He had a box in his hand for my belongings. I told him that was unnecessary – I hardly had any belongings in the office. It’s like I was always prepared to walk out.

I packed my bag in under 2 minutes. The ex-Manager washed my coffee mug and walked me out (I have no idea why). I hugged the folks that hadn’t been affected yet. They were affected by the end of the day as well. It was total annihilation. My team waited outside the office for me to say the final goodbyes. We video-called our off-shore team members and gave them an update. They were shocked. N and the baby came to pick me up. I left Leslies for one last time.

N spent the day sitting beside me. It was a gloomy day at Kulkarni-Paranjape’s. On the other hand, the baby was delighted to see her parents at home and skip daycare.

Statutory Warning – The section below has been rewritten several times.

I have yet to be able to place my feelings. It is disheartening to lose the job you love (or moderately like). I miss the comfort it brought to us as a family. I miss the buying power. Also, I’m not too fond of being back in the job market AGAIN. Being let go was not a part of my 5-year plan. Losing my job in between mortgages, inflation, and impending recession does not feel manageable. But as they say, every cloud has a silver lining.

I am grateful for my ever-supportive husband and family. N and baby are always around to cheer me up. I am happy to see the baby grow (considering I did not get any maternity leave). I have seen the baby crawl and stand for the first time! There is also more consideration and awareness among the recruiters about laid-off employees (there are around 300,000 of us so far). There are more avenues at our disposal (though nothing has come to fruition). Overall, the struggle continues. Hoping everything goes well. Keep watching this space for more.

How You made me a mother…

Dear Baby Girl Nirva,

I hope this blog post finds you sleeping peacefully with your tummy full. I hope you are not too cold and shivering or too hot and sweaty. I hope the room temperature is just right. Wishing you a good night’s sleep. Today has been tough for you, your tummy, and us. I should probably eliminate caffeine from my diet.

This letter was crafted while I was rocking you to sleep after the long rough day that you’ve had. You are already making ‘imma wake up anytime’ noises as I am typing this down. It’s a little past midnight; we have had a rough couple of nights. I wish a good night’s sleep to be upon us, for you to gain weight, and for me to reduce my pregnancy tummy. PS: I fit in my pre-pregnancy denims and am back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

I remember the night we decided on your name. We had not planned a baby yet but we had zeroed down your name and gender (as if it were in our hands) already. We always knew we wanted a daughter. A few months later we realized we couldn’t wait any longer to hold you in our arms.

I remember the day we learnt that you were on your way. It was day 1 of week 6. I had a strong intuition that I was pregnant since Week 3. It was as if my mind already knew that We had conceived. I felt your presence. We were in Illinois in week 5 and I refused to pick up my own luggage. Baba was furious but being the gentleman he is, picked up all of my luggage along with his. I did not want to risk your health by doing anything that I wasn’t supposed to. I became a mother that very moment – I wanted to protect you even when I wasn’t sure you existed. One night (while in Illinois) after a late night round of cards with the extended family, I told Baba about my pregnancy intuitions. He laughed it off. We reached home (Chandler) a few days later. I doordashed a pregnancy test at 7 AM. And Aai’s intuition was right. You were on your way. Baba was asleep when I broke the news to him. I can never forget the smile on his face. We told both Aaji-Ajobas the same evening. They guided us throughout the pregnancy.

Millions of tests followed. Fatigue had set in along with the mood swings. You dictated what you wanted to eat. We decided to navigate our relationship, life, and eating habits around it. Bed time had changed to 7:45 PM to supply you the energy you needed to flourish. I had just started working as well. You triggered a house search – a place that we could all call ‘home’. The week 8 ultrasound went great. However, delta variant was at large. Both Baba and I had covid symptoms in Week 9 (though we never tested positive). We prayed incessantly for your safety. We quarantined and worked from home for a few weeks. We wanted nothing but for you to be safe. Week 12 appointment was good. Soon we entered second trimester.

It was a lazy Sunday morning and you were only 14 weeks old. I opened my eyes at 8 AM. It was too early for a Sunday (then). Baba was sleeping peacefully. I decided to go back to sleep too. 15 minutes later, you moved and indicated that you were hungry. That was the first time we felt your presence in the tummy. I immediately woke up and fixed you breakfast. I looked forward to feeling your kicks every day for the rest of my pregnancy.

Week 15 brought an almost hit and run. I was glad you were safe. A few weeks later, we had to go to the emergency room. Thankfully, you were safe. More tests followed. Meanwhile, all the offers that we had put on houses had been rejected. Baba and I were dejected. Maybe we weren’t meant to buy a house. A few weeks weeks later, we casually went to see a house in a newer and unexplored area. It was love at first sight. We paid the deposit on the very next day. You had a place to call home now. Mama flew out from New York to help us move.

Things became heavier once we moved into the new house. It was week 20 of the pregnancy. The shopping spree started. We became regulars at every major retailer. Aai would sit on the floor of every aisle she walked in. That is how the knobs for your bathroom were selected. Walking had become difficult. Energy was hard to come by. I felt the constant need to rest and sleep.

Third trimester introduced us to Braxton & Hicks, sciatic nerve pain, acid reflux, infusions, sleepless nights, prodromal labor, and even more doctors appointments. We were sent back several times from the OB triage. I had all the symptoms of pre-labor for 3 weeks but you took your own sweet time. Finally I went into labor at the end of week 41 and you arrived.

I can never forget the first time I saw you… actually when You saw me. My epidural had almost stopped working and I was in tears. The nurse picked you up and put you on my chest as soon as You were born. You immediately turned your neck (don’t think you are supposed to be able to do that at minute 1, but you did) and looked at me. That was the first time when I saw you. Both of us were crying. Actually, all three of us were crying. A tear rolled down Baba’s cheeks when he held you for the first time.

It has been an absolute pleasure to see you grow in the last 7 weeks. You love stories, badbad geete, and talking in general. You already say ‘Hi’, ‘Hello’, ‘Oh wow’ (or at least that is what we hear when you blabber). You have disliked all of the formulas that the pediatrician recommended. You always know where the camera is. You’ve visited Grand Canyon and Bearizona already. You hate being covered. You dislike being swaddled and napping in general. You are gassy at times. Your smile lights up the room.

You have signs for everything You need. We are still trying to learn them. You have taught me more in the last two months than I’ve learnt in the last 30 years of my life. Being your Aai has been the most fulfilling role of my life. You make me a better human being, daughter, wife, and mother every day. Thank you for being born. Thank you for choosing me to be your mother. Thank you for being our bundle of joy.

Love you forever and always. Aai.

#wontEatWillTravel – Rocky Mountain National Park

Venue: Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado
Duration: 1 or 2 days
Best time to visit: Pretty much all around the year.
Accommodation: Estes Park or cabins around the national park. Denver or cities nearby could be a good option as well.

It was a last-minute trip. We did not have a list of things to do for the long weekend and had decided to go with the flow. The itinerary is as below. You have to make reservations to enter the national park and can only enter during those hours. The link to make reservations is here -> https://www.recreation.gov/timed-entry/10086910.

Day 1:
A few must-visit places –
Estes Park: This place is slightly outside the national park. It is a busier area with beautiful lakes, breathtaking views, and loads of restaurants and shopping areas.
Moraine Park: This spot is on your way to the Bear lake corridor. Moraine Park offers abundant wildlife and breathtaking views of the snow-clad mountains.
Bear Lake: This one is a short 0.8 miles walk in the park. The lakes were still frozen and added to the beauty.
Dream Lake & Emerald Lake: The trail starts from the Bear Lake trail. It can get trickier due to the snow.
Trail Ridge Road: This drive offers gorgeous views of the mountains. The views from the overlook spots are stunning. The Forest Canyon overlook has panoramic views of Hayden Gorge, Gorge lakes, Longs Peak, and Stones Peak.
Alpine visitor center: It is the highest visitor center in the US. The alpine ridge trail is an easy, 0.6-mile hike that takes us to the panoramic views of the entire national park.
Alberta Falls: This is one of the popular waterfalls in the park. This 1.7 miles trip takes around 1-1.5 hours. It could take longer due to snow.

Day 2:
The second day was reserved for the Royal Gorge Route Railway trip, Garden of Gods, and Pike’s Peak. You can book the rides here –> https://www.royalgorgeroute.com/. This spectacular 2-hour train ride takes through the Colorado Rockies and tracks the river along the way. The open coaches guarantee you a ‘Chhaiyya Chhaiyya’ feel. We could not do Garden of the Gods and Pike’s peak due to hailstorms but they are must-visit spots. We ended up celebrating our friends’ engagement instead.

More things to do in Colorado:
Colorado has varied landscapes. You could ski, snow-shoe in Aspen, hike in the Rockies, do kayaking and river-rafting in Canon city, or enjoy a hot-air balloon flight in Lafayette. If you feel adventurous you could do ziplining, via Ferrata, take an aerial gondola, or ride the world’s scariest sky coaster. Visit this website for more –> https://www.colorado.com/. A few pictures from the trip –

A quick guide to job hunt

Quite a few of us are either searching for our first job after school or thinking about making that big jump post the pandemic. Having had extensive experience in job-hunting due to unforeseen circumstances, I want to share a few pearls of wisdom with you –

Pre-gaming before the search –

Roles/Skills – I encourage you to think broadly about the skill sets you have acquired throughout your previous employment/education. For example, think about Java if you have been a Java developer or Python/R if you have been a data scientist. Try not to fixate yourself on particular roles.
Resume – Try a new and fresh format. Limit your resume to one page. Incorporate all the keywords that the roles/skills you decided upon need. Use strong verbs and try to quantify your accomplishments. Make a solid resume because it is the first reflection of you.
Emails/Inmails/Cover letter/Connects – Job hunting is a lot about networking. Make sure you have a uniform format ready for emails to be sent to recruiters, cover letters by roles, and messages you could send while making connections on LinkedIn. Make everything reusable and scalable.
Calendar – Multiple job interviews can be difficult to schedule. Create an account with one of the applications to help you manage your calendar effectively. Calendly worked for me. You can incorporate the link in the email content and signature so that it is easier for recruiters to set up a time on your calendar.

The hunt-

Skills vs. Role – Search for job postings by skills rather than a particular role. For example, search for ‘analytics’ rather than ‘business analyst’.
Networking & Platforms – Linkedin premium can work wonders. The best part is that you can connect with the job posters during your application. It could help with networking and gets your foot in the door. Use your inmail credits wisely.
Need for speed – Apply for jobs posted on the same day. You may apply to jobs that are probably a week old. Applying for a job posted a month ago could be a waste of time.
Be patient – Recruiters work with candidates in batches. You may be in luck to be a part of the first batch if you are quick to apply. The interview process can be painfully long at times. You have to roll with it. Be patient but don’t forget to follow up.
Network – You can network with professionals from the industry at (virtual) career fairs, meetups, information sessions, etc. Networking can help in more than one way. The meetup.com website is a great place to meet professionals from every possible field. Some recruiters screen candidates at the meetups/information sessions.

Interview process –

Get your answers right – Youtube is full of videos to help you curate your responses correctly. I found videos by Linda Raynier very helpful.
Assessment – Make sure you are technically/analytically prepared to tackle any assessments that come your way as a part of the interview process.
Know your routine – Prepare solid answers for routine interview questions like – Tell me about yourself. Why should we hire you? Why this role? Why this company? Strengths/weaknesses, etc. Remember that every answer should be a story and should follow the STAR format.

Handling Rejections –
Don’t give up and don’t lose hope. If you receive a rejection email from a recruiter (vs. an automated response) you could use that to your advantage. You could respond to the rejection email with a message requesting your profile to be considered for other roles. You could even suggest open roles if possible.

In the end –
I understand that each of the sections could be a post in itself. I hope to elaborate on them soon. Please email me if you think I can help. God speed.