Everything that happened today…

Date: 01/24/2019

7:10 AM – Leaves home for work. Realizes that the downtown is busy even at 7 am. Unearthly hour really.

7:17 AM – *Walks to the farthest orca card reader* and *Taps orca card* The last 2 weeks at work have been good. I, somehow, believe it is because I accidentally started tapping my Orca card at the farthest orca card reader. Stupid as it may sound to you, I think it’s working. After a long haul of ‘I don’t know what’s going on!’ I deserve good days.

Yes, I have a master’s degree and I may be agnostic but I still believe in superstitions. Having written about it, I think it’s sad really but…Oh well!

7:20 AM – *Boards the train.* I walk up to my usual section. I realize I like routine. I am completely fine doing the same thing over and over again as long as it comforts me. I have a system – that is yet to fail me. *Finds a seat* *Opens Whatsapp* *Responds to messages* I distinctly feel my feelings shift as I sift through the messages.

I quickly realize that I have conveniently forgotten my eye drops today. Today of all days when I needed it the most. I aim to leave work at 4 PM.

7:45 AM – *reaches work* IMMA got this! Texts all friends to let them know I’ve reached way before they woke up. Earth calls me a ‘loser’. Well, she is not entirely wrong.

8:30 AM – The day hasn’t even started yet and I am half done. I AM GOOD!

9:00 AM – Is it too soon to lunch?

10:00 AM to 10:30 AM – Small wins. Half way there. Long way to go but I am on my way.

10:30 AM – *sends a text to C* “Want to move lunch to 11 instead? I am hungry AF.” No response.

10:35 AM – Walks up to C’s desk to convince her to lunch earlier. No luck there.

11:00 AM – *Goes to the kitchen* *Starts peeling a banana* I see someone heating their lunch – chicken thighs. I compliment her on the good looking thigh and she acknowledges. Meanwhile, I peeled my banana and dolled it up with honey.

Could this moment be any more suggestive?

11:30 AM – I meet C for lunch. It was a casual lunch. It’s been difficult to catch up with her lately. She has been one of my closest friends ever since I’ve started working here. She knows all of my best-kept secrets. She is one of the people I can never afford to fight with because of the best-kept secrets.

12:10 PM – I walk late into a ‘lunch and learn’. The attendance is painfully low but it is well attended by the powerhouse of the company. The who’s who nod and acknowledge the speaker. It takes me 5 minutes to ramp up and make sense of what is going on in the room. I make a mental note of things I had to do that day instead.

Eyes feel dry. Nothing can be done there.

12:22 PM – Suddenly, the speaker announces a game with prizes at the end. No prize for guessing what the prizes are. I realize my disinterest in competing and the coffee. Both. And it was premium coffee.

12:28 PM – Someone gets up from their seat. The entire row of powerhouses turned their heads to look at them. Maybe someone secretly judged them for leaving early? But they had to be someone to have made that kind of impact. I’ve never seen them. Bigwig spotted fo sho!

12:30 PM – I decide to get up and get going – secretly. I say hi to one of my acquaintances on the way out. It is tough to make sure that the door does not make a noise when you leave. I like to be discreet.

12:36 PM – Work time. Realizes how minute details are. Retail is in Detail, baby.

I start an excel sheet to list the people I need to send emails too today. The list is basically a list of people I would never had the chance to interact with if not for this project. Today is the day.

I realize that most of the work I do is so impactful; I do so much more than I could ever think about; to think of what my horizon is… is crazy.

You know how you have a “dream job”? Well… this isn’t my dream job. This is a job that I could have never dreamt about because I never knew something like this even existed; leave alone happen to me.

Shoot me if I take my job for granted.

1:14 PM – I am neck deep in work. I realize music has stopped working for me. Music distracts me these days. Distractions cannot be afforded. This has never happened before.

My mentor stops by to check in on me. I realize I have more work than I can accomplish. We take the divide and conquer approach and decide to circle back during the Earnings call at 2 PM.

1:20 PM – I get up to take a break and shoot an espresso shot.

The most important decision of the day is to be made as I stand here – 1 espresso shot or 2 espresso shots/long shot or as is/extra hot shot or as is. For future reference, It’s one shot, extra hot and always long. I really don’t know what a long shot is and how it affects the flavor profile and/or strength of the coffee. But, it works for me.

I add whipping milk and drink it in one go.

This drink has quickly become my favorite because of its ability to do away with sleep. This drink was suggested to me as a coping mechanism during my jet lag days. It quickly replaced all other drinks.

2:03 PM – I enter the conference room to listen in to the Earnings call. Surprisingly, I was one of the first ones. I take my seat and continue working.

The seats soon start filling in.

2:10 PM – I look at my mentor and signal her to check her email.

The email has been worked upon for several days and today is the day it should go out.

My eyes still feel dry. I am worried for my eyesight. I blink a little more frequently to see clearer. I decide not to look at the big screen that casts the Earnings Call presentation. I continue looking into my screen.

2:58 PM – Everyone comments that the presentation has been short this quarter on their way out of the conference room. I continue typing frantically. It’s not to show off but merely an attempt to finish work. I wish to be on track for leaving work at 4 PM. I know this will never happen but wishful thinking.

3:05 PM – I walk the corridors with my laptop, diary, phone, water bottle and a hanging wired mouse. Yes, I still use the wired mouse. It’s easier to pick it up in case it falls.

Shouldn’t I focus on not performing actions that can result in my mouse falling on the ground when I walk? Well, I could change my gait, leave a few minutes earlier for my meetings and not walk hastily… but all those things require me to change a lot from within… and I don’t think I have that in me.

3:07 PM – Desperate measures to send out the emails. I try to work with headphones again but today music does not help me focus. Work is too important to be messed up. I check the emails, leaders and attachments multiple times before sending them out.

I seem to have conquered the dry eyes syndrome. In my brain, I calculate the time between now and the time I can actually use my eye drops.

4:30 PM – I look out of the pit of my screens to see everyone gone for the day. I still have some work to finish. Wishful thinking! Hah!

4:45 PM – I send one final email. It’s done. I feel content to have sent out those emails. It’s an everyday job for many people I work with. But in my role, I would have never gotten this opportunity if not for this project.

Life is all about opportunities and grabbing them. This is one I may/may not regret. I feel lucky. I feel grateful. I quickly send one ‘thank you’ note to my mentor as a response to one of the emails we exchanged earlier in the day. I felt grateful for the opportunity.

4:55 PM – I pack my bags, wear my jacket and leave. I run into my mentor on my way out. I thank her in person for the opportunity and hug her. I am sure she judged me on that. But I am just so happy. I know my day might not mean much to anyone else except me… but I am genuinely happy.

5:45 PM – I am home. The day is over. Time to change into sweats, eat a lot and West Wing it.

Every day is different. Every moment of every day evokes different feelings. It’s difficult to keep a track. But it definitely helps to note what works for you and what doesn’t. I have tried to make mental notes of things that stress me out and tried to weed them out of my schedule.

Take care of yourself. It’s okay to have a routine and overdo it maybe – as long as you aren’t hurting anyone and yourself. Love yourself and be happy.

#lessonsOfLife #happyRealization 2018

I’ve had an opportunity of listing the things I’ve learnt these past few years. However, I have had a tough time jogging down the memory lane for the past year. I do remember a few things I realized this year though. Please find below a list of things I realized –

  1. I can be a part of a show – Life has been happening ever since I have become a part of Live2DanceSeattle productions. This year we stepped it up a notch and had a show of our own – Desi Detour. It was a beautiful and sweaty journey that ended with a rad evening. It was definitely a proud moment.
  2. Cleanliness maybe next to Godliness – Desi Detour was tough. Juggling work and the dance schedule was impossible. There used to be ‘wait list’ for dishes to go into the sink (because the sink was already full with soiled dishes). But nothing bothered me. Soiled dishes and messy apartment failed to steal my sleep. Me so much chill.
  3. I love my bed – I think it is the only thing that cares about my comfort and sleep.
  4. I love my couch – As do my friends. My couch recognizes my needs. It swallows me when I am exhausted. It’s big enough to accommodate all my friends (all 4 of them). Also, it does not complain when it is messy.
  5. Money is tough – Earning, investing, saving, spending… everything about money is tough.
  6. Travel is wisdom – In hindsight, I have learnt a lot from my #travelDiaries. The rich experiences have made me wiser, more organized, and given me excellent stories to tell!
  7. Try to be a minimalist – One fine day I realized that I was a pretty small for all this baggage in life. So, I got up and donated 2 bags worth of clothes to Good Will and threw away 3 trash bags worth of unwanted items. I couldn’t believe I had so much to let go.
  8. Let go and Move on – My ‘let go and move on‘ game is at it’s strongest right now. It’s amazing how people walking in and out of my life has ceased to matter to me. It’s sad really. But Oh well!
  9. Mental health – I’ve realized the importance of mental health. As Indians we don’t really learn about mental health awareness at school. Mental problems are considered to be first world since real world problems are aplenty. Any discussion about mental health or even consulting a psychiatrist/psychologist is a taboo. However, I have realized that sometimes mental health is more important than physical health. Wrong attitude reflects poorly on you and shows at work and home. Definitely not a good place to be.
  10. What’s your contingency plan? – Everything was hunky dory until we received an email from our CEO about impending layoffs. The world stood still. It forced me to think about my contingency plan – and there was none. My career was everything I have ever worked for and so this experience was a little scary. You start working with a company and you work for it till the end of time or till you decide to go for something better. It is always your choice. You never think about getting laid off. That thought had never crossed my mind until that one email. I obviously did not receive it well. The experience did teach me to make contingency plans and plan better. You know what else I realized? – Nothing is permanent.
  11. Never take anything for granted – In this day, age, country, visa status take nothing, nothing for granted at all. It’s surreal how situations change every minute. That makes me wonder whether or not we should even have loyalty towards a city, state, organization or people. Life is beautiful and you’re living your dream. Shoot me if I take my life for granted.

Hope you remember your 2018 better than I do. And Happy New Year!